Saturday, June 15, 2013

I'll Smile For What Comes Next

I have written about the seniors and graduation once before. So I'll make this short. Yesterday was graduations and so many feelings have overwhelmed me the last few weeks, from being excited, miserable, honored  stunned, and even terrified. This week involved saying good bye to my theater family, or watching the senior all check out of their classes to yesterday seeing them all graduate. As I was sitting in the stands watching them walk in, I was astonished. I saw them smiling, and laughing, some even dancing. The proud seniors with their caps decorated representing the university they will soon attend. Best friends holding hands realizing they have finally 'made it'. When the ceremony started a few parents began to cry, realizing they were seeing their baby's start their lives. The principle gave his amusing speech. Then a beautiful song was sung written for graduations, the seniors started a ‘wave’ around the stage. Everyone is the audience laughed as they saw the seniors having fun with everyone for the last time.  Speeches were made, laughs were had, and of course the beach balls where popped. Then the names were called out of the class of 2013, the diplomas were received, and the caps were tossed up. Cheers, smiles, tears, laughs, hugs, pictures, and goodbyes all happened and it's official. The seniors are done, and are now freshman once again. 

"I'll cry because it’s over 
I'll cry because it happened 
I'll cry at the memories 
And I'll cry at the good byes 
But then I’ll smile at the tears 
I'll smile because it happened 
I'll smile for the memories 
I'll smile for what comes next" -Cat Canedy 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mothers Day


 Mumsie you are the best mom that any girl could wish for. You’re not only the best mom but you are my best friend. Some days you and I get in to little fight, or arguments, never the less within a few hours we will be laughing and joking with each other tell its dark and time to sleep. You can always tell when I'm in need of a hug or just some mommy time. Every time I go away on a trip, even though I love to go travel and to get away I always miss you. Mumsie I love that I can come talk to you about anything, anytime and know that you will understand. Sometimes you might not always know what to say back, yet I still know that you will always listen and proved a hug. The day where you and I decided we are going to cook everything and sing songs, or randomly go to the movies, shopping, the theater, or a bike ride, the days like that are my favorite memory's. The days when we go in your room and watch cooking shows on your t.v. or movies on my laptop, but we are too busy talking to really catch the plot of anything we watch. When you ask me to come in your room and have a runway show to help you decided what to wear, what shoes, and what jewelry. The days when we go to art museums, art craft stores, shopping, and getting Pho. When I was younger I would love when you would read to me on the couch in the living room. When you would swim laps in the pool and I would run to the end of the pool just to say one word when you would come up for air. I never have a worry in my mind when I'm just doing some fun adventure with you. 
     When I grew up I was raised as an independent child, to be able to always take care of myself, you always let me dress myself, put my hair as I wanted, put make up on and wear it around even though I was eight. I could have my room decorated how I wanted. I had the choose of who my friends were and are. You never forced me into doing a sport of activity that I didn't want to do, a supported me in any thing I decided I wanted to do. If I didn't feel well it was my chose if I went to school. I was allowed to play with the boys in the dirt, to get my dress muddy, to go swimming with all my cloths on or none at all. You gave me the space to grow, you gave me the chance to develop, and you gave me the opportunity to be who I am. 
Now older you still give me my space when It’s needed. I'm allowed to close my door and lock myself in there for days with the music blasting, and I know when I come out you will be there. You let me stay out as late as I want because you trust I will be truthful with you and that I will be safe. You allow me to date who I want. The days I come home late or come back from a date you just ask how it went you never needed details unless I offer them to you. All my friend know and love you. My friends know that some day’s I say I can't hang out with them because I just needed some mommy time. Whenever we are together there is always laughing and making happy memory's that I will keep forever. You raised me right and you are still rising me right. You always say that you are so lucky to have daughter, when really I’m the lucky one to be blessed with you as my Mumsie.
I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I love you to infinity and beyond. 

"When I was younger I looked up and aspired to be you. At my age now I look in your eyes and I know I'm on my way." -Cat Canedy 






Friday, April 26, 2013

Spoken Word


I'm in an acting class, the highest 'level' acting class my school holds. Some take it because they hear it’s an easy class there not much you need to do, some just needed a visual performing art, there are few who love to sing and perform, love the written word, love contemporary, classical, dramatic and comedic theater. The class if filled with kids with all different opinions, different views. Some days in this class we are given time to find and prepare a piece we have fallen in love with, sadly few tend to do the assignment. In a class filled with students that you would believe want to learn about acting, would jump at the free time to work on a piece of their chose. Some students in this class are very loud and can voice their opinions with no hesitation, and then there are the students that fear getting up on that stage they fear sharing what they think, but have so much to say. The bell rang like normal and we all took our seats. Our teacher walked in and said let's all talk, let’s have a debate, everyone is safe, everyone speak up. On what subject can you get all students to talk about, to relate to? School. For two hours this conversation went on. With student I've never heard speak stand up and fight for their beliefs. For two hours I sat in amazement as I heard students from freshmen to senior, fourteen to eighteen give there thought about our education system, about our schooling. Some believed strongly our school system is perfect, others thought the complete opposite.
 Yesterday I was searching spoken word on YouTube and this video came up. After watching it a few times I thought I would share it with you, if you really listen to it, it's truly something beautiful. The message he is delivering was my side of the debate in class that day. 




On a side note, related to the above about my passion for theater, I am in a play The Diviners that has a truly incredible story. Everyone in the cast are really amazing actors and have embraced there characters, and have become them even sometimes off the stage. The play takes place in the 1930 in Zion Indian. It’s about a boy who’s mom drowned saving him as a child, the boy never reached full mental capacity and only knows water as bad. When he gets sick and the only way to cure him is to wash him, he has to learn how to overcome he fear. Please make reservation and come see the show you will not be sorry.



"And like a slate wiped clean or a fever washed away where there was fire to the sky now there's nothing. Where there was clouds there's just blue and the sun."
-The Diviners 

          "Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there."
           - Good Will Hunting


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Something You Control.


This week was my first week back at school in a long time, to say the lest it was more than stressful. I received loads of homework, and realize, after falling asleep everyday in two out of my three classes, I wasn't quite ready to be back. Even though it was so nice to get back to seeing my friends and going to rehearsals. With my play opening on Wednesday, cheer tryouts coming up, and my heaps and heaps of homework my stress level has been extremely high. Sorry for not posting all week, I was trying to get caught back up.
                I was asked to define trust the other day. How can you define something that has various meanings? When you are little you trust your parents when they told you that Santa Claus was real, you trusted your friends wouldn't break a pinky promise. When you got older you trusted your teachers would be fair with grades and teach you what you needed to know. When you are in a play, competition or a performance you trust your cast or your team, will know their material. When you get engaged you trust the person will be faithful to you. You put trust in others and they put it in you. Your parents trust you will be honest with them. Your friends trust you will be there for them. Your teachers trust you will do your best. Your coaches and team mates trust you will put in your all. Trust is easy to lose, hard to get, and never fully regained. In the dictionary trust is described as a, ‘Firm belief in the reliability, trust, ability, or strength of someone or something.' In its own definition is uses the word it is attempting to describe. Trust is different for every person an experience with it. They are some people who you have no resin not to trust, and you can't get yourself to trust them. There are the people who have given you no reason to trust them, and you have no problem open wholly to them. Then there are the people who try to gain our trust never the less as soon as they receive it, and proceed to shatter it seconds later. There are people who keep your trust forever even after the friendship has ended. There are people who can trust everyone with no resin, and some people who can trust no one. I think it's important to be able to trust some people, to know who is right to trust. To not give up trust after its been broken with one person. To be able to trust someone is to have faith in them, to be able to rely on that person for anything, to feel safe and secure with them.  The easiest way to lose the trust of someone is to lie to them. Never lie to someone you trust, never trust someone who lies. Trust is also a weakness, if you trust too much you become dependent, desperate for that person. If you give too much trust you give that person a chance to leave blemishes on our heart. If you trust the wrong person they can soon have control over you. Trust, is one of the words that has a different meaning to everyone the same as love, happiness, successes all words defended differently for person to person. Trust; a weakness, a strength, a connection, something you control.

“I've learned that it takes years 
to build up trust, and it only takes 
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.”
- Erica 

“If you say you can trust someone then you are admitting to something even greater then love. Trust involves all your thoughts and emotions to be given to someone so they can have. Trusting someone is knowing that you can be hurt so bad that none can even know. This is why trust is a word of great power.”
- Unknown


Sunday, April 14, 2013

Girls Night Out


Today is the last day of spring break, tomorrow the long agonizing days of school will start again. With school, homework, and rehearsals starting up once more, my time for writing will be shortened. Instead of posting everyday sadly, I will try to post a bare minimum of three times a week some weeks more if I get the time. Today I'm physically and emotionally exhausted,and to be honest I have no idea why. I tried to write a meaningful and insightful post, but I just really couldn't think of anything, which is so bizarre since I typically have a hundred ideas to write about and it's hard to pick only one. I think my brain is telling me that I need to get some more sleep before I go back to school tomorrow.

Last night was a fun night with my closet friends; with us all being single we took advantage of the last Saturday night of break. We made a plan, and changed it a few times and maybe a few more after that. In the end we decided to get all dressed up, put on our high heels, spoof up our hair, and do a little more than normal with our makeup. We go all excited to see the new movie 42 at the luxury theater, Arc Light, in UTC. The original plans consisted of us eating at the new Sessions 22 then seeing our movie at 7:30. When going to buy our tickets we ran in to a dilemma, the 7:30 showing was in the twenty-one and up theater. With a quick change of plans we end up seeing The Sapphires, and eating at the noodle and company after words. When we finished eating we had a few hours to kill so we sat under the twinkle lights in this magnificent large chair, yes all four of us in one chair, and talked, laughed, and got hit on by twenty-five-year olds and then again by a very courageous five year old. We had a date night with just us girls. It was nice for us not to worry too much about our outfits and how we looked for this date since it was just the four of us. It was a date we all looked forward to, without all the usually stress brought with going on a date. The four girls I was with mean more to me then I can express in words. They are the ones some of my best memories are with; the ones I always laugh the most with; the ones that can dry up my tears; the ones I trust with my life. They are the ones that can understand me when I'm talking in ‘code'; the ones that keep me at their houses for a week when I can't deal with being home. The ones that I can be with everyday and never get annoyed with. The ones I want to party with, and the ones I want to grow old with. They are truly a special group of friends that I would do anything for.

"I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all."
- Rachel Ellis

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Where am I going?


When you were small your parents, teachers, siblings, friends, and relatives would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up and why? You would shout a doctor so I can heal people; firefighter so there are no more fires; super hero to stop the bad guys; princess so I can always wear fancy cloths; singer because I love to sing, magician because I can trick people, the list continues on. Then you got older and you thought about what you wanted to be and your ideas became more practical, the list now went more doctor to heal people, veterinarian to aid animals, NBA/NFL to be on TV., scientist to discover something original, lawyer I’m a good arguer, actress to become famous, artist to be creative all the time, and if you looked at mine princess still slipped its way in. When you ask people now the list is very specifics, sergeant specializing in neuroblastoma, lawyer in criminal justice, pidemiologist scientist, actress in film or on stage, FBI agent in PDR, Childs nutritionists; yes we still have reasons why we want to have these jobs, the thing that’s changed is we won’t pick the job unless is provides us with a descent sum of money. Then there are the people who knew what they were going to do their whole lives until now. I’m in that boat, I had everything planed then I took a moment to really look at what I planned. I realized it wasn’t right for me.
I had the idea I would major in natural health or physiology and metabolism and minor in fine arts. I wanted to become a nutritionist, after I got my degree I decided I would go to the more rural areas of the world and teach the people there how to get the adequate about of nutrition from the resources they have. It was a great idea, for someone else. I still want to minor in fine arts the only question is what to major in, what to be? After putting more thought then I should as a sophomore in high school I came to the conclusion, it doesn’t matter. I have time. We all have time. Right now is the time to make the stupid mistakes, and wild decisions. To stay up all night talking to friends, or drawing a picture, to go to the midnight premier of movies. Now is the time to go on road trips and get lost, to surprise your friends in the middle of the night, to take an art class even though you can’t draw a stick. Now is the time to date and fall in love over and over. To sleep in and stay out late, to do the things you never thought you would. Change and change again. Enjoy moments for what they are not what they could have been. Then when it is really the time to know what you want to be, who you want to be, you will know. So go crazy, do the unexpected, take the chances, live your life, because now is the time that you can.  Don’t worry about where you’re going, take time to think about where you are.

“Live life to the fullest and never ever look back, there is a reason for the future and a reason for the past. Love till it hurts and laugh till you cry and when your life flashes before you, make it worth while. Be happy for what you have done, and be happy for what you have over come, and most of all always be proud of what you have become.”
- Unknown

Friday, April 12, 2013

The Unexpected


Everyone has numerous events that change their life’s, there are small and large events, situation, or people that make the impacts on our lives. It could be as minute as the cashier letting that ten cents slide, to as great as someone saving your life. We all have events that make us who we are, the age we start noticing the events is diverse from person to person. The age we start making the impacts on people is up to us. The first big event that changed my life happened when I was just seven, in October of 2003. In San Diego October is the time of scary movies, disturbing monsters, trick or treating, and sometimes a week of evacuation for a fire. There have been a few devastating fires that have occurred in the last some years. The first was in 1988, it cleared 250,000 acres of land. The next was in 2000 and 234,669 acres where burned. The following was in 2003, 5,953 separate fires burned that year. 750,043 acres of land were blacked by the flames in 2003. The fires that year took the lives of 25 people, and left numerous injured.  The fires that year also took my home and everything I owned.
On October 26, 2003 I woke up to find it still pitch black, I was convinced it was still night, however my clock said otherwise. My mom sitting in the kitchen drinking her tea, and my brother’s logos and baseball cards were scattered across the floor, the normal morning routine.  Except my brothers weren't next to their toys playing rather there face where plaster against the glass doors in the living room, staring at the orangey, red strip outlining the mountain. My mother wasn’t reading her book rather she was just sitting and waiting, with a worried expression on her face. My mom gave me a hug and sent my brothers and i to get dress, grandmom was coming down. Which was also out of the ordinary with her living so far away. After getting dressed we joined my mom in the living room where she pointed at the growing red streak on the mountain. She explained to us that is was a large fire, even though it looked far away she told us once it reached the bottom of that mountain it would soar up our side or the mountain very rapidly. She proceeded to assure us that the stuff falling from the sky was also ash and not snow. After we asked our repetitive questions about the fire she told us my grandmom would take us to her house, and she would meet us there later on that night. My grandmom finally arrived and loaded my brothers and I in her car with a few things we decided where vital; my oldest brother who was 11 brought his teddy bear , my other brother who was 9 brought a game boy, and I brought my dolly. On the way to my granmom’s we listened to the news on the radio, it was all bad news never good, it said the fire had grown bigger; how it joined with other fires; how it jumped the freeway. My grandmom did a very good job at entertaining us. She had my cousins come over and feed us Mac and Cheese, she also allowed us to eat as much ice cream as we liked; she was trying to keep our minds off of what was happening. After what seemed like forever my mom came to get my brothers and I. When driving my mom told us how it didn't seem good when she left, she went to down to put the pool cover on and the flames had shot up like a wall in our back yard. I could see the fear in her face as she relived it over again. My mom also didn't have the heart to tell us she couldn't save our cat, Lucky; she told us he darted when she opened the front door; he was really locked in the garage. We drove to a hotel, it was across the street from my mom’s business and they allowed us to stay there for a week with no charge for the room or food. It’s nice to see people affection in a time of need. After a week of just waiting we finally where allowed to go see the damage done by the fire. The police and fireman told us to expect the worst. As a seven year old the worst was nothing to what I saw. Everything was black, dead, and gone. My family had lost our cloths, pictures, furniture, and our home. We lost almost everything, we still had each other.
When you don’t have anything you start to notice everything. Every hug, smile, laugh, and memory they all become so much more important. After everything, the stuff in that house was just belongings, items, and purchase.  I still had my family, which was all that really mattered.
Oh and the cat really was lucky, my brothers and I went to go see our play area and Lucky appeared in the bushed, dirty, thirsty, and exited to see us.

“ When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you. “

-Unknown 

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Take A Chance


Today I'm posting a lot later then I generally do because I went to Sea World with one of my friends of six years. It was my friend, a few of her family, and me.  All day we darted around the park laughing and just enjoying life. We had a full day of enjoying each other’s company. We went throughout the park acting crazy, wild, and didn't worry how people looked at us. Sea World is one of my favorite places ever, I adore going to the exhibits and looking at the sea creatures, or going to the shows and seeing the remarkable and talented animals, I am never not astonished when I leave the park. You really get chance to take the time and notice all the small things.  Near the end of the day my friend asked me "How do you do that?” I looked at her puzzled because we were only skipping and talking. "How do you have the ability to just do what you want and not care what people think? How are never scared to do anything?" she said.  Now she wasn't quite right, I care what people think. I care if people think I am a trust worthy, kind, and dependable person. Never the less I'm not going to not tell somebody they dropped their phone in fear of how they will look at me. I’m not going to stop singing in my pitchy voice, because I worry how people will judge me. I will wear what I want without caring of others opinions. If a song I like comes on I'm going to dance around no matter who is watching. The kid sitting alone, I’m going to go sit next to with no fear if they will talk to me, or if we will run out of things to talk about. I will get up first and give my presentation in class. I will voice my opinion when someone is trash talking a friend. I will go on the largest ride in the park. I’ll ask the teacher why I didn’t get an A on my paper. I will go to the edge of the cliff and look over to see what at the bottom. If we are in the dark I’ll be the leader with no uncertainty. I will ask my friends mom questions they are too afraid to ask there self’s. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I haven't been living my life.
I never want to realize there are so many things I have missed out on, because I was scared or fears what could happened. Besides think about all the opportunities you are missing or skipping, they could be the changing points in your life. The person you dread talking to in high school because of your reputations is the boss of the company you're interviewing for. When you didn’t ask your parents if you could go to Hawaii with your friends because you where scared they would say no, in reality they could say yes you just never asked. By not asking you missed a trip of a life time.  If there is something I am afraid of I go and do it to prove to myself there is nothing to fear. There will be a day when I can no longer dance when my favorite song comes on; skip and imagine I’m on the yellow brick road; sing at the top of my lungs; climb the tallest mountain and look down.  When I look back on my life I want to feel I never missed out because I was frightened to do something that I wanted to.  Never let fear keep you back from doing the small things, one day it will keep you from achieving your dreams.

“Be random. Take chances. Say no. dance in the rain. Cry. Spend all your cash. Be random. Sing out loud. Get revenge. Fall in love. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Dance like no one is watching. Laugh at a stupid joke. Say I love you. Make someone feel better. Turn up the radio. Take too many pictures. Do a cartwheel. Make up a song. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Try something new. Have fun. Love someone new. Live life.”
- Corky

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Trust Games


Last night I had the opportunity to catch up with some of my best friends. We have a tradition that we have a backyard-camp-out every school break. It’s held in one of the six girl’s backyards. We do all the standard thing that you do when camping except in a backyard. We make s'more, roast hot dogs, build a tent, and of course scream and hide at the sight of any bugs; in addition we also make fancy cookies, sit in the hot tub, drive to the store when we want something, and go inside when it becomes to chilly. (We did stay outside the whole time last night however) We also have the traditions of sitting in our tent late at night and playing something we like to call the trust game. During the trust game we ask questions that get you to really reflect on life and where you are going and where you have been.  Some questions are very simple and require a short answer, and some are more complex. A question that was asked last night was, 'Who do you want to be?' How you answers was in your hands, you could choose to answer in the present, future, both, or you could decide to pass. When it was my turn it took me awhile to answer, when I finally was capable of making my thoughts in to words I came up with a ramble of sentences and thoughts that actually somehow managed to explain how I really felt, and answered the question according to me. This is what I said;

In the present I want to be that girl that when people need someone to turn to in a point of need they will call me. When someone needs a person to give them advice they will ask me. When people need someone to cheer them up when they hit a low, they will talk to me. When people need someone to have a fun time with they will think of me. I want to be that girl that helps people. I want to be the ones who Is always there for anyone and everyone. I want to be there for them weather they know they need someone or not. I want to be a person who helps people help themselves. In the future I want to be a mom and a wife; I want to be a mom more than anything. I want to have four or five kids and I want them to know they are perfect they way they are. They don't need to be the star football player, the head cheerleader, or the captain of the math league. I will be proud of them no matter what they do or don’t do. I will be proud of them because they have made it to where they are, because they have come this far. I want my children to feel they can tell me anything, and I want my daughter to come to be and tell me about that new boy she met. For my sons to tell me about that cute girl that smiled at them today. For my children to know it alright not to get a 100% on every test, as long as they feel it’s okay. For them to know they will have break downs when that girl cancels on you after you have planed the night or that boy doesn't call or text when  there was nothing you did wrong. For them to know that you don't always have to be brave, and its okay to cry because when you’re crying it means there’s something you believe in! I want my kids to know that everything will be okay once they get over that hill. That you can't make people believe your grasses is greener on your side by covering it in spray paint because soon it will die. I want to tell them it's going to be hard, and their hearts may get broken. The best part is, the hard shell on a egg cracks and a heart will mend. I want them to know I have been there; I want to see them grow. As a mom I won’t smother or spoil my children they will have to work for everything they get. I will give them their freedom, and my trust. 

When I said this I just kept going I hardly took a breath, when I had complete I found myself close to tears,  I was so happy with the life I had just created, that I could be that person I just had to work for it. The trust game constantly opens my eyes. I try not to think much about the question prior to it my turn so I don’t modify my answer.  Rather I say exactly how I feel in the moment. As you read above, sometimes what I say comes out somewhat making senses, with strange metaphors, and others times I will say things that aren't quite words. The trust game is always something I look forward to, and I greatly recommend it.  Recently I got a list of the questions we asked and added a few of my own, i asked them to myself and wrote down my answer to see how they vary as I grow and as I change. Try it, make sometimes for yourself, write some questions and ask yourself them, most importantly be honest with yourself.

“Always speak how you feel and never be sorry for being real.”
- just a girl living her life 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Life's A Climb


This morning I woke up more thrilled then I have been in three weeks, because today I’m allowed to go see my friends, my doctor finally gave me permission. Sorry if today's post is a little shorter than usual. I also remembered that I had one of my favorite movies recorded The Hanna Montana Movie, now I know it’s childish but it has a great message. Repeatedly throughout the movie they say ‘life’s a climb, but the views great’. With my last posts being kind of ‘deep’ I thought this really touched base. I know that I have been in that situation when I wonder ‘why is this happen to me?’; I know I’ve yelled at myself for making a simple mistake, or for not being good enough. I know I’ve been in a dark place before and I’ve thought there was no way out, thought it would never getting better. I would put a smile on and didn't let anybody see my pain. Looking back it was so wrong to keep it in, to hide it away. It caused more misery to keep it all in. Sometimes I still have those bad days and lock myself in my room, and I hide in my corner. Then I tell myself to get back up, to keep fighting that battle, to shine through the pain, to talk to someone, even a simple hug on a bad day can change everything.
 If you’re there and you feel like you have lost your way take a second to breath, then take your hand and put it on your chest. Feel that pounding that purpose. Life is cruel it will put you in hard situations and throw obstacles at you, fast and hard. It wants to see if you will fall down and not get up. To crumble under it. Beyond that life wants to see you fight back it wasn't to see your strengths, your capability's. As soon as you defeat that first challenge, life starts to get worried it knows that you can beat it, that you are strong. So it throws more things at you and she (life) knows you can overcome them. She just hopes you don’t figure it out. So thats precisely what you have to do, you have to know that you are stronger then what’s being thrown at you. Think that you’re on a roller costar that spins and whirls and has drops, an there is the part where the costar is going up before the drop, and the moment when you feel you’re flying, your also wiped side to side, nerveless at the end of the ride you are always brought back to level ground, to a safe place.
Life doesn’t only want to challenge you. Its and opportunity, dream, duty, game, promise, sorrow, song, struggle, tragedy, luck, a beauty and something to fight for. ‘Life’s a climb, but the view is great.’

 

-Today I have two quotes for you-

“At the end of the day when I crawl into bed and all the lights go out my thoughts can finally rise to the surface. Ya I'm a little bruised, slightly broken, and permanently scarred but i'm still here aren't I? I'm still fighting, I'm still waking up everyday to go through it all over again. This life may be hard as hell but it's still a gift and i'm going to live every moment of it”
- Unknown

“You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. you ask them, "what’s wrong?" and they say "Nothing." You accept this because its easier than digging for the truth. People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they don’t want to face the truth. Things aren't always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your angers and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. So when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don’t hide behind fake smiles, its ok to not be alright.
- Sam Keen

Monday, April 8, 2013

Wish I'd Never Grown Up


I hated it when I was called a ‘little kid’, or when I was told I was to young to hear something or go somewhere.  I never thought I required a babysitter and I always wanted to go to the parties the big kids went to.  When I was five I wanted to be sixteen, now that I’m sixteen, all I want is to be five once more. To run around outside and not be concerned if I get dirty or destroy my outfit. To wear a striped shirt under a patterned sweater vest with a plaid skirt and call it stylish. When it was okay to play a ‘boys’ sport. At the time the shortest skirt you owned was at your knees and anything shorter was ‘risky’. When you would take thousands of hilarious pictures because you never minded who saw. Or when you could leave the house without caring how your hair turned out. When you would go to the beach and even though it was freezing you would beg to stay. When you would go to karate class, because every little kid was signed up. When a Barbie doll or hot wheels car would last you week of amusement. When boys had cooties, and where from Jupiter.  When you had a crush on someone your best friend knew, and you knew if he liked you too. When you didn’t care if someone was black, white, gay, straight, skinny or fat. When you could eat and eat and eat and not feel guilty. When everybody was truthful, or when everyone was the best artist. Take me back to then!  
When I look around my school, around at the people in my generation I still see the children they once were, but a grown up version. Now instead of zooming down the street on their bicycle they are revving the engines and honking the horns on their new cars. They are still getting tummy aches from drinking too much the difference is it’s no longer juice rather its alcohol. Likewise protection is still being used but it is no longer a helmet worn when riding a scooter. The birthday parties still happen, there just not the same. Now ether everyone or no one knows if you like someone and it’s absolutely impossible to know if they like you back. Above all when did how you look become so significant, when your little you aren’t concerned if someone is fat, skinny, curvy, straight, wide or thin. So why do we care now? The only thing that has altered is age. So why did we have to go and transform everything else? Why did our homework turn from one page to ten?  Why did our emotions become so wild? Why did our classes start earlier and earlier? Why did crying over a boy become so common? Why did stressing about grades turn into first nature? Why did gossip become so viscous?
When you grow up almost everything changes. Some day’s I still like to pretend I’m five again, I put on a funky outfit; don’t look at the mirror before I leave. I ignore all the gossip and I laugh like crazy. I draw with my crayons and I sing at the top of my lungs. I pretend boys still have cuties and run when they come near. I eat pizza for dinner and ice cream for dessert and I cuddle with my mumsie and watch movies. The day like that make me yearn to still be five.  Then there are the days when you get A’s on all your papers. Friends and people you don’t know complement your outfit. The boy you like asked you on a date, you go in his car and he kisses you goodnight. When your family all gets along and enjoys each others company and you make each other laugh. When the days just perfect and everything’s right those are the days I like being a teenager, being grown up. However those days are rare.

“Remember when you thought boys had cooties?
When friends were new, dreams were un-shattered an worries few.
When recess was too short and life was too long.
Decisions came easily without need to belong.
When storks delivered the babies and passions weren’t so strong
Friendships were un-broken; Right was right, and wrong was wrong
When bad thing didn’t happen.
Only skinned knees brought tears & the night light in its socket quieted all our fears.
When farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn’t part.
When fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.”
-Unknown






Sunday, April 7, 2013

Not Ready For Goodbye


Time is such a strange thing. It can go by so slowly when all you wish is that it passes fast. Or it can be hours later when you hoped it was only minutes. I have been stuck in my room for two weeks, and at moments I feel like it has been much longer than that since I have actually seen my friend. Yet other times it feels like I have done nothing this whole time I've been trapped in bed, where have the days gone. Granted I have been sleeping for about 18 hours everyday, mono is just a joy to have, but it still feels so fast. When I look back on my year, and the year before it feels the same. I feel the start of freshman year was just a few months ago, rather I’m two months and seven days away from the end of my sophomore year. I still feel I’m in December when I was in Santa Monica learning more about myself and others then I thought was possible in four days. In that four day program I gained a family that I know I can trust. It feels as though that was a week ago, in reality it was months ago. I’m still on that bus with my favorite people, the people I trust with my life, on my way to Utah for a week of snowboarding. For a week of none stop fun, of never ending laughter, nightly stretch circles and sneaking out of our rooms to lay in the hallways and talk (until out leaders would arrive and get us). When on the bus we would say “Not one sleeps until we see the sun!” and half of our friends where passed out 30 minutes later. When on the way back we all took melatonin, and found the most unusual positions and places to sleep.  I feel as if I just got back from that trip, unpacking all my warm sweaters and fuzzy socks so they could be washed to wear to school. Of course now the ice had dissolved and the flowers have blossomed, because it’s no longer winter rather its spring.
 All of the sudden my year is almost vanished, and the people I have come so close with are graduating. The people that have guided me this far are leaving. That have shown me more life lesson then I could ask for. Shown me that not only all you have worked for can be lost in a second with one mistake, but also you can make your dreams a reality with hard work and perseverance. That how hard you plummet illustrates how much stronger you will thrive. They have shown me that in truth people change no matter how hard we try and keep them the same. 
Some of the senior have become my family, and one really is my family too. From my brother’s best friends, the guy I have grown up with, that drove me around when I needed a ride. That have shown up in my house when my brothers not even home, because then need a place to crash. The ones that have seen me smile, laugh and cry, the ones that still call me Cassie. The ones I call my brothers, I’m going to miss seeing them around school and my house every day. Similarly there are the ones that I know I’m not ready to say goodbye to. The ones I have done astonishing, wild, and fun thing with, from a weekend work crew, to Utah, a theater festival in Fullerton, the random road trip, the days you just go on an adventure, or when we would just go get lunch or dinner. Several of the seniors have become my family, it’s hard to imagine I’m not going to be able to text them and 10 minutes later they are at my door. I know I’m not ready to say goodbye to all of them. The time has passed by to quickly, every memory I cherish 

“Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.”

-Unknown 


Saturday, April 6, 2013

Not Only One


Not to long ago my grade took a mandatory state test to see if we are smart enough to graduate high school. This test consisted on a math, and a English portion. It was split into two day and the day we took the English I was surprised to find out there was an essay we had to write. After filling out the question portion, I came to the essay. The prompt read, “Describe one person who inspires you.” The directions where simple and strait forward write a five paragraph essay on the prompt. After reading it I knew exactly who I was going to write about. The problem was, how I going to describe all the things she does for me in five paragraphs and on three sheets of paper. Regardless I used a scrap paper to write some of my ideas down. And after I finish and re read what I wrote I noticed that it would be complete gibberish to a sane person. Never less I wrote it any way and on completing my essay I fell in love with it. I wanted to keep it. I wanted to show Mandy (the girl I wrote about) what I wrote, to tell her all she has done for me that she doesn't even know.
 Then I re read the prompt and I realized I wrote the essay to the prompt, I just wish the prompt was different, because it said to describe ONE person, but not just one person inspires me, hundreds do. And when we started the essay the test officiator said for this prompt people write about celebrities and famous people most of the time, and as much and they are inspirational people, they aren't the real people to inspire me. The ones who really inspire are my friends, peers, family, and relatives.  I have this friend who has gone through more than I think one girl should, and even after every time she is thrown down she gets back up ten times stronger than she was before. I have this group of seven friends who have stayed best friends since 5th grade even though we all go to different high school and are all involved in different things. I know this one guy who walked around so confident, and even though he’s a little harsh sometimes, he’s speaking the truth. Or this other person I know who is taking six AP classes, has straight A’s, is involved in sports and clubs, and still goes to school and practice when he’s sick because he’s made a commitment. These are the kind of people that inspire me. The kind of people who see someone has fallen and helps them up. The kind of people that helps others when there is nothing to return. The kind of people who never give up on someone, that never give up on themselves. Those are the people that make me want to be a better person.  So when I thought about the prompt, and about my essay, as much as I did love it, I wish the prompt asked to write about the PEOPLE that inspire me. Because for me there’s not just one. 


The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Ann Landers

Friday, April 5, 2013

The Beginning

I have wanted to start a blog for a while now; I just didn't know how to start. I guess being sick for two weeks really give you a chance to get around to some of the things you need to do. Here will be stories and lessons that I have experienced, and learned. I hope some of the things here make you laugh, smile, cry or help you in the situation our in, or is just a good story to read. I don’t know where this blog will lead, but I’ll never know until I start. 

"People were created to be loved.Things were created to be Used. .The reason why the world is in Chaos. .is because things are being Loved .and people are being Used. ."- Unknown