Trust Games

Last night I had the opportunity to catch up with some of my best friends. We have a tradition that we have a backyard-camp-out every school break. It’s held in one of the six girl’s backyards. We do all the standard thing that you do when camping except in a backyard. We make s'more, roast hot dogs, build a tent, and of course scream and hide at the sight of any bugs; in addition we also make fancy cookies, sit in the hot tub, drive to the store when we want something, and go inside when it becomes to chilly. (We did stay outside the whole time last night however) We also have the traditions of sitting in our tent late at night and playing something we like to call the trust game. During the trust game we ask questions that get you to really reflect on life and where you are going and where you have been.  Some questions are very simple and require a short answer, and some are more complex. A question that was asked last night was, 'Who do you want to be?' How you answers was in your hands, you could choose to answer in the present, future, both, or you could decide to pass. When it was my turn it took me awhile to answer, when I finally was capable of making my thoughts in to words I came up with a ramble of sentences and thoughts that actually somehow managed to explain how I really felt, and answered the question according to me. This is what I said;

In the present I want to be that girl that when people need someone to turn to in a point of need they will call me. When someone needs a person to give them advice they will ask me. When people need someone to cheer them up when they hit a low, they will talk to me. When people need someone to have a fun time with they will think of me. I want to be that girl that helps people. I want to be the ones who Is always there for anyone and everyone. I want to be there for them weather they know they need someone or not. I want to be a person who helps people help themselves. In the future I want to be a mom and a wife; I want to be a mom more than anything. I want to have four or five kids and I want them to know they are perfect they way they are. They don't need to be the star football player, the head cheerleader, or the captain of the math league. I will be proud of them no matter what they do or don’t do. I will be proud of them because they have made it to where they are, because they have come this far. I want my children to feel they can tell me anything, and I want my daughter to come to be and tell me about that new boy she met. For my sons to tell me about that cute girl that smiled at them today. For my children to know it alright not to get a 100% on every test, as long as they feel it’s okay. For them to know they will have break downs when that girl cancels on you after you have planed the night or that boy doesn't call or text when  there was nothing you did wrong. For them to know that you don't always have to be brave, and its okay to cry because when you’re crying it means there’s something you believe in! I want my kids to know that everything will be okay once they get over that hill. That you can't make people believe your grasses is greener on your side by covering it in spray paint because soon it will die. I want to tell them it's going to be hard, and their hearts may get broken. The best part is, the hard shell on a egg cracks and a heart will mend. I want them to know I have been there; I want to see them grow. As a mom I won’t smother or spoil my children they will have to work for everything they get. I will give them their freedom, and my trust. 

When I said this I just kept going I hardly took a breath, when I had complete I found myself close to tears,  I was so happy with the life I had just created, that I could be that person I just had to work for it. The trust game constantly opens my eyes. I try not to think much about the question prior to it my turn so I don’t modify my answer.  Rather I say exactly how I feel in the moment. As you read above, sometimes what I say comes out somewhat making senses, with strange metaphors, and others times I will say things that aren't quite words. The trust game is always something I look forward to, and I greatly recommend it.  Recently I got a list of the questions we asked and added a few of my own, i asked them to myself and wrote down my answer to see how they vary as I grow and as I change. Try it, make sometimes for yourself, write some questions and ask yourself them, most importantly be honest with yourself.

“Always speak how you feel and never be sorry for being real.”

- just a girl living her life