Take A Chance

Today I'm posting a lot later then I generally do because I went to Sea World with one of my friends of six years. It was my friend, a few of her family, and me.  All day we darted around the park laughing and just enjoying life. We had a full day of enjoying each other’s company. We went throughout the park acting crazy, wild, and didn't worry how people looked at us. Sea World is one of my favorite places ever, I adore going to the exhibits and looking at the sea creatures, or going to the shows and seeing the remarkable and talented animals, I am never not astonished when I leave the park. You really get chance to take the time and notice all the small things.  Near the end of the day my friend asked me "How do you do that?” I looked at her puzzled because we were only skipping and talking. "How do you have the ability to just do what you want and not care what people think? How are never scared to do anything?" she said.  Now she wasn't quite right, I care what people think. I care if people think I am a trust worthy, kind, and dependable person. Never the less I'm not going to not tell somebody they dropped their phone in fear of how they will look at me. I’m not going to stop singing in my pitchy voice, because I worry how people will judge me. I will wear what I want without caring of others opinions. If a song I like comes on I'm going to dance around no matter who is watching. The kid sitting alone, I’m going to go sit next to with no fear if they will talk to me, or if we will run out of things to talk about. I will get up first and give my presentation in class. I will voice my opinion when someone is trash talking a friend. I will go on the largest ride in the park. I’ll ask the teacher why I didn’t get an A on my paper. I will go to the edge of the cliff and look over to see what at the bottom. If we are in the dark I’ll be the leader with no uncertainty. I will ask my friends mom questions they are too afraid to ask there self’s. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I haven't been living my life.

I never want to realize there are so many things I have missed out on, because I was scared or fears what could happened. Besides think about all the opportunities you are missing or skipping, they could be the changing points in your life. The person you dread talking to in high school because of your reputations is the boss of the company you're interviewing for. When you didn’t ask your parents if you could go to Hawaii with your friends because you where scared they would say no, in reality they could say yes you just never asked. By not asking you missed a trip of a life time.  If there is something I am afraid of I go and do it to prove to myself there is nothing to fear. There will be a day when I can no longer dance when my favorite song comes on; skip and imagine I’m on the yellow brick road; sing at the top of my lungs; climb the tallest mountain and look down.  When I look back on my life I want to feel I never missed out because I was frightened to do something that I wanted to.  Never let fear keep you back from doing the small things, one day it will keep you from achieving your dreams.

“Be random. Take chances. Say no. dance in the rain. Cry. Spend all your cash. Be random. Sing out loud. Get revenge. Fall in love. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Dance like no one is watching. Laugh at a stupid joke. Say I love you. Make someone feel better. Turn up the radio. Take too many pictures. Do a cartwheel. Make up a song. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Try something new. Have fun. Love someone new. Live life.”

- Corky

Trust Games

Last night I had the opportunity to catch up with some of my best friends. We have a tradition that we have a backyard-camp-out every school break. It’s held in one of the six girl’s backyards. We do all the standard thing that you do when camping except in a backyard. We make s'more, roast hot dogs, build a tent, and of course scream and hide at the sight of any bugs; in addition we also make fancy cookies, sit in the hot tub, drive to the store when we want something, and go inside when it becomes to chilly. (We did stay outside the whole time last night however) We also have the traditions of sitting in our tent late at night and playing something we like to call the trust game. During the trust game we ask questions that get you to really reflect on life and where you are going and where you have been.  Some questions are very simple and require a short answer, and some are more complex. A question that was asked last night was, 'Who do you want to be?' How you answers was in your hands, you could choose to answer in the present, future, both, or you could decide to pass. When it was my turn it took me awhile to answer, when I finally was capable of making my thoughts in to words I came up with a ramble of sentences and thoughts that actually somehow managed to explain how I really felt, and answered the question according to me. This is what I said;

In the present I want to be that girl that when people need someone to turn to in a point of need they will call me. When someone needs a person to give them advice they will ask me. When people need someone to cheer them up when they hit a low, they will talk to me. When people need someone to have a fun time with they will think of me. I want to be that girl that helps people. I want to be the ones who Is always there for anyone and everyone. I want to be there for them weather they know they need someone or not. I want to be a person who helps people help themselves. In the future I want to be a mom and a wife; I want to be a mom more than anything. I want to have four or five kids and I want them to know they are perfect they way they are. They don't need to be the star football player, the head cheerleader, or the captain of the math league. I will be proud of them no matter what they do or don’t do. I will be proud of them because they have made it to where they are, because they have come this far. I want my children to feel they can tell me anything, and I want my daughter to come to be and tell me about that new boy she met. For my sons to tell me about that cute girl that smiled at them today. For my children to know it alright not to get a 100% on every test, as long as they feel it’s okay. For them to know they will have break downs when that girl cancels on you after you have planed the night or that boy doesn't call or text when  there was nothing you did wrong. For them to know that you don't always have to be brave, and its okay to cry because when you’re crying it means there’s something you believe in! I want my kids to know that everything will be okay once they get over that hill. That you can't make people believe your grasses is greener on your side by covering it in spray paint because soon it will die. I want to tell them it's going to be hard, and their hearts may get broken. The best part is, the hard shell on a egg cracks and a heart will mend. I want them to know I have been there; I want to see them grow. As a mom I won’t smother or spoil my children they will have to work for everything they get. I will give them their freedom, and my trust. 

When I said this I just kept going I hardly took a breath, when I had complete I found myself close to tears,  I was so happy with the life I had just created, that I could be that person I just had to work for it. The trust game constantly opens my eyes. I try not to think much about the question prior to it my turn so I don’t modify my answer.  Rather I say exactly how I feel in the moment. As you read above, sometimes what I say comes out somewhat making senses, with strange metaphors, and others times I will say things that aren't quite words. The trust game is always something I look forward to, and I greatly recommend it.  Recently I got a list of the questions we asked and added a few of my own, i asked them to myself and wrote down my answer to see how they vary as I grow and as I change. Try it, make sometimes for yourself, write some questions and ask yourself them, most importantly be honest with yourself.

“Always speak how you feel and never be sorry for being real.”

- just a girl living her life 

Life's A Climb

This morning I woke up more thrilled then I have been in three weeks, because today I’m allowed to go see my friends, my doctor finally gave me permission. Sorry if today's post is a little shorter than usual. I also remembered that I had one of my favorite movies recorded The Hanna Montana Movie, now I know it’s childish but it has a great message. Repeatedly throughout the movie they say ‘life’s a climb, but the views great’. With my last posts being kind of ‘deep’ I thought this really touched base. I know that I have been in that situation when I wonder ‘why is this happen to me?’; I know I’ve yelled at myself for making a simple mistake, or for not being good enough. I know I’ve been in a dark place before and I’ve thought there was no way out, thought it would never getting better. I would put a smile on and didn't let anybody see my pain. Looking back it was so wrong to keep it in, to hide it away. It caused more misery to keep it all in. Sometimes I still have those bad days and lock myself in my room, and I hide in my corner. Then I tell myself to get back up, to keep fighting that battle, to shine through the pain, to talk to someone, even a simple hug on a bad day can change everything.

 If you’re there and you feel like you have lost your way take a second to breath, then take your hand and put it on your chest. Feel that pounding that purpose. Life is cruel it will put you in hard situations and throw obstacles at you, fast and hard. It wants to see if you will fall down and not get up. To crumble under it. Beyond that life wants to see you fight back it wasn't to see your strengths, your capability's. As soon as you defeat that first challenge, life starts to get worried it knows that you can beat it, that you are strong. So it throws more things at you and she (life) knows you can overcome them. She just hopes you don’t figure it out. So thats precisely what you have to do, you have to know that you are stronger then what’s being thrown at you. Think that you’re on a roller costar that spins and whirls and has drops, an there is the part where the costar is going up before the drop, and the moment when you feel you’re flying, your also wiped side to side, nerveless at the end of the ride you are always brought back to level ground, to a safe place.

Life doesn’t only want to challenge you. Its and opportunity, dream, duty, game, promise, sorrow, song, struggle, tragedy, luck, a beauty and something to fight for. ‘Life’s a climb, but the view is great.’

 

-Today I have two quotes for you-

“At the end of the day when I crawl into bed and all the lights go out my thoughts can finally rise to the surface. Ya I'm a little bruised, slightly broken, and permanently scarred but i'm still here aren't I? I'm still fighting, I'm still waking up everyday to go through it all over again. This life may be hard as hell but it's still a gift and i'm going to live every moment of it”

- Unknown

“You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. you ask them, "what’s wrong?" and they say "Nothing." You accept this because its easier than digging for the truth. People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they don’t want to face the truth. Things aren't always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your angers and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. So when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don’t hide behind fake smiles, its ok to not be alright.

- Sam Keen

Wish I'd Never Grown Up

I hated it when I was called a ‘little kid’, or when I was told I was to young to hear something or go somewhere.  I never thought I required a babysitter and I always wanted to go to the parties the big kids went to.  When I was five I wanted to be sixteen, now that I’m sixteen, all I want is to be five once more. To run around outside and not be concerned if I get dirty or destroy my outfit. To wear a striped shirt under a patterned sweater vest with a plaid skirt and call it stylish. When it was okay to play a ‘boys’ sport. At the time the shortest skirt you owned was at your knees and anything shorter was ‘risky’. When you would take thousands of hilarious pictures because you never minded who saw. Or when you could leave the house without caring how your hair turned out. When you would go to the beach and even though it was freezing you would beg to stay. When you would go to karate class, because every little kid was signed up. When a Barbie doll or hot wheels car would last you week of amusement. When boys had cooties, and where from Jupiter.  When you had a crush on someone your best friend knew, and you knew if he liked you too. When you didn’t care if someone was black, white, gay, straight, skinny or fat. When you could eat and eat and eat and not feel guilty. When everybody was truthful, or when everyone was the best artist. Take me back to then!  

When I look around my school, around at the people in my generation I still see the children they once were, but a grown up version. Now instead of zooming down the street on their bicycle they are revving the engines and honking the horns on their new cars. They are still getting tummy aches from drinking too much the difference is it’s no longer juice rather its alcohol. Likewise protection is still being used but it is no longer a helmet worn when riding a scooter. The birthday parties still happen, there just not the same. Now ether everyone or no one knows if you like someone and it’s absolutely impossible to know if they like you back. Above all when did how you look become so significant, when your little you aren’t concerned if someone is fat, skinny, curvy, straight, wide or thin. So why do we care now? The only thing that has altered is age. So why did we have to go and transform everything else? Why did our homework turn from one page to ten?  Why did our emotions become so wild? Why did our classes start earlier and earlier? Why did crying over a boy become so common? Why did stressing about grades turn into first nature? Why did gossip become so viscous?

When you grow up almost everything changes. Some day’s I still like to pretend I’m five again, I put on a funky outfit; don’t look at the mirror before I leave. I ignore all the gossip and I laugh like crazy. I draw with my crayons and I sing at the top of my lungs. I pretend boys still have cuties and run when they come near. I eat pizza for dinner and ice cream for dessert and I cuddle with my mumsie and watch movies. The day like that make me yearn to still be five.  Then there are the days when you get A’s on all your papers. Friends and people you don’t know complement your outfit. The boy you like asked you on a date, you go in his car and he kisses you goodnight. When your family all gets along and enjoys each others company and you make each other laugh. When the days just perfect and everything’s right those are the days I like being a teenager, being grown up. However those days are rare.

“Remember when you thought boys had cooties?

When friends were new, dreams were un-shattered an worries few.

When recess was too short and life was too long.

Decisions came easily without need to belong.

When storks delivered the babies and passions weren’t so strong

Friendships were un-broken; Right was right, and wrong was wrong

When bad thing didn’t happen.

Only skinned knees brought tears & the night light in its socket quieted all our fears.

When farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn’t part.

When fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.”

-Unknown

Not Ready For Goodbye

Time is such a strange thing. It can go by so slowly when all you wish is that it passes fast. Or it can be hours later when you hoped it was only minutes. I have been stuck in my room for two weeks, and at moments I feel like it has been much longer than that since I have actually seen my friend. Yet other times it feels like I have done nothing this whole time I've been trapped in bed, where have the days gone. Granted I have been sleeping for about 18 hours everyday, mono is just a joy to have, but it still feels so fast. When I look back on my year, and the year before it feels the same. I feel the start of freshman year was just a few months ago, rather I’m two months and seven days away from the end of my sophomore year. I still feel I’m in December when I was in Santa Monica learning more about myself and others then I thought was possible in four days. In that four day program I gained a family that I know I can trust. It feels as though that was a week ago, in reality it was months ago. I’m still on that bus with my favorite people, the people I trust with my life, on my way to Utah for a week of snowboarding. For a week of none stop fun, of never ending laughter, nightly stretch circles and sneaking out of our rooms to lay in the hallways and talk (until out leaders would arrive and get us). When on the bus we would say “Not one sleeps until we see the sun!” and half of our friends where passed out 30 minutes later. When on the way back we all took melatonin, and found the most unusual positions and places to sleep.  I feel as if I just got back from that trip, unpacking all my warm sweaters and fuzzy socks so they could be washed to wear to school. Of course now the ice had dissolved and the flowers have blossomed, because it’s no longer winter rather its spring.

 All of the sudden my year is almost vanished, and the people I have come so close with are graduating. The people that have guided me this far are leaving. That have shown me more life lesson then I could ask for. Shown me that not only all you have worked for can be lost in a second with one mistake, but also you can make your dreams a reality with hard work and perseverance. That how hard you plummet illustrates how much stronger you will thrive. They have shown me that in truth people change no matter how hard we try and keep them the same. 

Some of the senior have become my family, and one really is my family too. From my brother’s best friends, the guy I have grown up with, that drove me around when I needed a ride. That have shown up in my house when my brothers not even home, because then need a place to crash. The ones that have seen me smile, laugh and cry, the ones that still call me Cassie. The ones I call my brothers, I’m going to miss seeing them around school and my house every day. Similarly there are the ones that I know I’m not ready to say goodbye to. The ones I have done astonishing, wild, and fun thing with, from a weekend work crew, to Utah, a theater festival in Fullerton, the random road trip, the days you just go on an adventure, or when we would just go get lunch or dinner. Several of the seniors have become my family, it’s hard to imagine I’m not going to be able to text them and 10 minutes later they are at my door. I know I’m not ready to say goodbye to all of them. The time has passed by to quickly, every memory I cherish . 

“Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.”

-Unknown 

Not Only One

Not to long ago my grade took a mandatory state test to see if we are smart enough to graduate high school. This test consisted on a math, and a English portion. It was split into two day and the day we took the English I was surprised to find out there was an essay we had to write. After filling out the question portion, I came to the essay. The prompt read, “Describe one person who inspires you.” The directions where simple and strait forward write a five paragraph essay on the prompt. After reading it I knew exactly who I was going to write about. The problem was, how I going to describe all the things she does for me in five paragraphs and on three sheets of paper. Regardless I used a scrap paper to write some of my ideas down. And after I finish and re read what I wrote I noticed that it would be complete gibberish to a sane person. Never less I wrote it any way and on completing my essay I fell in love with it. I wanted to keep it. I wanted to show Mandy (the girl I wrote about) what I wrote, to tell her all she has done for me that she doesn't even know.

 Then I re read the prompt and I realized I wrote the essay to the prompt, I just wish the prompt was different, because it said to describe ONE person, but not just one person inspires me, hundreds do. And when we started the essay the test officiator said for this prompt people write about celebrities and famous people most of the time, and as much and they are inspirational people, they aren't the real people to inspire me. The ones who really inspire are my friends, peers, family, and relatives.  I have this friend who has gone through more than I think one girl should, and even after every time she is thrown down she gets back up ten times stronger than she was before. I have this group of seven friends who have stayed best friends since 5^th grade even though we all go to different high school and are all involved in different things. I know this one guy who walked around so confident, and even though he’s a little harsh sometimes, he’s speaking the truth. Or this other person I know who is taking six AP classes, has straight A’s, is involved in sports and clubs, and still goes to school and practice when he’s sick because he’s made a commitment. These are the kind of people that inspire me. The kind of people who see someone has fallen and helps them up. The kind of people that helps others when there is nothing to return. The kind of people who never give up on someone, that never give up on themselves. Those are the people that make me want to be a better person.  So when I thought about the prompt, and about my essay, as much as I did love it, I wish the prompt asked to write about the PEOPLE that inspire me. Because for me there’s not just one. 

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

- Ann Landers

The Beginning

I have wanted to start a blog for a while now; I just didn't know how to start. I guess being sick for two weeks really give you a chance to get around to some of the things you need to do. Here will be stories and lessons that I have experienced, and learned. I hope some of the things here make you laugh, smile, cry or help you in the situation our in, or is just a good story to read. I don’t know where this blog will lead, but I’ll never know until I start. 

"People were created to be loved.Things were created to be Used. .The reason why the world is in Chaos. .is because things are being Loved .and people are being Used. ."- Unknown