Saturday, June 15, 2013

I'll Smile For What Comes Next

I have written about the seniors and graduation once before. So I'll make this short. Yesterday was graduations and so many feelings have overwhelmed me the last few weeks, from being excited, miserable, honored  stunned, and even terrified. This week involved saying good bye to my theater family, or watching the senior all check out of their classes to yesterday seeing them all graduate. As I was sitting in the stands watching them walk in, I was astonished. I saw them smiling, and laughing, some even dancing. The proud seniors with their caps decorated representing the university they will soon attend. Best friends holding hands realizing they have finally 'made it'. When the ceremony started a few parents began to cry, realizing they were seeing their baby's start their lives. The principle gave his amusing speech. Then a beautiful song was sung written for graduations, the seniors started a ‘wave’ around the stage. Everyone is the audience laughed as they saw the seniors having fun with everyone for the last time.  Speeches were made, laughs were had, and of course the beach balls where popped. Then the names were called out of the class of 2013, the diplomas were received, and the caps were tossed up. Cheers, smiles, tears, laughs, hugs, pictures, and goodbyes all happened and it's official. The seniors are done, and are now freshman once again. 

"I'll cry because it’s over 
I'll cry because it happened 
I'll cry at the memories 
And I'll cry at the good byes 
But then I’ll smile at the tears 
I'll smile because it happened 
I'll smile for the memories 
I'll smile for what comes next" -Cat Canedy 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mothers Day


 Mumsie you are the best mom that any girl could wish for. You’re not only the best mom but you are my best friend. Some days you and I get in to little fight, or arguments, never the less within a few hours we will be laughing and joking with each other tell its dark and time to sleep. You can always tell when I'm in need of a hug or just some mommy time. Every time I go away on a trip, even though I love to go travel and to get away I always miss you. Mumsie I love that I can come talk to you about anything, anytime and know that you will understand. Sometimes you might not always know what to say back, yet I still know that you will always listen and proved a hug. The day where you and I decided we are going to cook everything and sing songs, or randomly go to the movies, shopping, the theater, or a bike ride, the days like that are my favorite memory's. The days when we go in your room and watch cooking shows on your t.v. or movies on my laptop, but we are too busy talking to really catch the plot of anything we watch. When you ask me to come in your room and have a runway show to help you decided what to wear, what shoes, and what jewelry. The days when we go to art museums, art craft stores, shopping, and getting Pho. When I was younger I would love when you would read to me on the couch in the living room. When you would swim laps in the pool and I would run to the end of the pool just to say one word when you would come up for air. I never have a worry in my mind when I'm just doing some fun adventure with you. 
     When I grew up I was raised as an independent child, to be able to always take care of myself, you always let me dress myself, put my hair as I wanted, put make up on and wear it around even though I was eight. I could have my room decorated how I wanted. I had the choose of who my friends were and are. You never forced me into doing a sport of activity that I didn't want to do, a supported me in any thing I decided I wanted to do. If I didn't feel well it was my chose if I went to school. I was allowed to play with the boys in the dirt, to get my dress muddy, to go swimming with all my cloths on or none at all. You gave me the space to grow, you gave me the chance to develop, and you gave me the opportunity to be who I am. 
Now older you still give me my space when It’s needed. I'm allowed to close my door and lock myself in there for days with the music blasting, and I know when I come out you will be there. You let me stay out as late as I want because you trust I will be truthful with you and that I will be safe. You allow me to date who I want. The days I come home late or come back from a date you just ask how it went you never needed details unless I offer them to you. All my friend know and love you. My friends know that some day’s I say I can't hang out with them because I just needed some mommy time. Whenever we are together there is always laughing and making happy memory's that I will keep forever. You raised me right and you are still rising me right. You always say that you are so lucky to have daughter, when really I’m the lucky one to be blessed with you as my Mumsie.
I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I love you to infinity and beyond. 

"When I was younger I looked up and aspired to be you. At my age now I look in your eyes and I know I'm on my way." -Cat Canedy 






Friday, April 26, 2013

Spoken Word


I'm in an acting class, the highest 'level' acting class my school holds. Some take it because they hear it’s an easy class there not much you need to do, some just needed a visual performing art, there are few who love to sing and perform, love the written word, love contemporary, classical, dramatic and comedic theater. The class if filled with kids with all different opinions, different views. Some days in this class we are given time to find and prepare a piece we have fallen in love with, sadly few tend to do the assignment. In a class filled with students that you would believe want to learn about acting, would jump at the free time to work on a piece of their chose. Some students in this class are very loud and can voice their opinions with no hesitation, and then there are the students that fear getting up on that stage they fear sharing what they think, but have so much to say. The bell rang like normal and we all took our seats. Our teacher walked in and said let's all talk, let’s have a debate, everyone is safe, everyone speak up. On what subject can you get all students to talk about, to relate to? School. For two hours this conversation went on. With student I've never heard speak stand up and fight for their beliefs. For two hours I sat in amazement as I heard students from freshmen to senior, fourteen to eighteen give there thought about our education system, about our schooling. Some believed strongly our school system is perfect, others thought the complete opposite.
 Yesterday I was searching spoken word on YouTube and this video came up. After watching it a few times I thought I would share it with you, if you really listen to it, it's truly something beautiful. The message he is delivering was my side of the debate in class that day. 




On a side note, related to the above about my passion for theater, I am in a play The Diviners that has a truly incredible story. Everyone in the cast are really amazing actors and have embraced there characters, and have become them even sometimes off the stage. The play takes place in the 1930 in Zion Indian. It’s about a boy who’s mom drowned saving him as a child, the boy never reached full mental capacity and only knows water as bad. When he gets sick and the only way to cure him is to wash him, he has to learn how to overcome he fear. Please make reservation and come see the show you will not be sorry.



"And like a slate wiped clean or a fever washed away where there was fire to the sky now there's nothing. Where there was clouds there's just blue and the sun."
-The Diviners 

          "Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there."
           - Good Will Hunting


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Something You Control.


This week was my first week back at school in a long time, to say the lest it was more than stressful. I received loads of homework, and realize, after falling asleep everyday in two out of my three classes, I wasn't quite ready to be back. Even though it was so nice to get back to seeing my friends and going to rehearsals. With my play opening on Wednesday, cheer tryouts coming up, and my heaps and heaps of homework my stress level has been extremely high. Sorry for not posting all week, I was trying to get caught back up.
                I was asked to define trust the other day. How can you define something that has various meanings? When you are little you trust your parents when they told you that Santa Claus was real, you trusted your friends wouldn't break a pinky promise. When you got older you trusted your teachers would be fair with grades and teach you what you needed to know. When you are in a play, competition or a performance you trust your cast or your team, will know their material. When you get engaged you trust the person will be faithful to you. You put trust in others and they put it in you. Your parents trust you will be honest with them. Your friends trust you will be there for them. Your teachers trust you will do your best. Your coaches and team mates trust you will put in your all. Trust is easy to lose, hard to get, and never fully regained. In the dictionary trust is described as a, ‘Firm belief in the reliability, trust, ability, or strength of someone or something.' In its own definition is uses the word it is attempting to describe. Trust is different for every person an experience with it. They are some people who you have no resin not to trust, and you can't get yourself to trust them. There are the people who have given you no reason to trust them, and you have no problem open wholly to them. Then there are the people who try to gain our trust never the less as soon as they receive it, and proceed to shatter it seconds later. There are people who keep your trust forever even after the friendship has ended. There are people who can trust everyone with no resin, and some people who can trust no one. I think it's important to be able to trust some people, to know who is right to trust. To not give up trust after its been broken with one person. To be able to trust someone is to have faith in them, to be able to rely on that person for anything, to feel safe and secure with them.  The easiest way to lose the trust of someone is to lie to them. Never lie to someone you trust, never trust someone who lies. Trust is also a weakness, if you trust too much you become dependent, desperate for that person. If you give too much trust you give that person a chance to leave blemishes on our heart. If you trust the wrong person they can soon have control over you. Trust, is one of the words that has a different meaning to everyone the same as love, happiness, successes all words defended differently for person to person. Trust; a weakness, a strength, a connection, something you control.

“I've learned that it takes years 
to build up trust, and it only takes 
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.”
- Erica 

“If you say you can trust someone then you are admitting to something even greater then love. Trust involves all your thoughts and emotions to be given to someone so they can have. Trusting someone is knowing that you can be hurt so bad that none can even know. This is why trust is a word of great power.”
- Unknown


Sunday, April 14, 2013

Girls Night Out


Today is the last day of spring break, tomorrow the long agonizing days of school will start again. With school, homework, and rehearsals starting up once more, my time for writing will be shortened. Instead of posting everyday sadly, I will try to post a bare minimum of three times a week some weeks more if I get the time. Today I'm physically and emotionally exhausted,and to be honest I have no idea why. I tried to write a meaningful and insightful post, but I just really couldn't think of anything, which is so bizarre since I typically have a hundred ideas to write about and it's hard to pick only one. I think my brain is telling me that I need to get some more sleep before I go back to school tomorrow.

Last night was a fun night with my closet friends; with us all being single we took advantage of the last Saturday night of break. We made a plan, and changed it a few times and maybe a few more after that. In the end we decided to get all dressed up, put on our high heels, spoof up our hair, and do a little more than normal with our makeup. We go all excited to see the new movie 42 at the luxury theater, Arc Light, in UTC. The original plans consisted of us eating at the new Sessions 22 then seeing our movie at 7:30. When going to buy our tickets we ran in to a dilemma, the 7:30 showing was in the twenty-one and up theater. With a quick change of plans we end up seeing The Sapphires, and eating at the noodle and company after words. When we finished eating we had a few hours to kill so we sat under the twinkle lights in this magnificent large chair, yes all four of us in one chair, and talked, laughed, and got hit on by twenty-five-year olds and then again by a very courageous five year old. We had a date night with just us girls. It was nice for us not to worry too much about our outfits and how we looked for this date since it was just the four of us. It was a date we all looked forward to, without all the usually stress brought with going on a date. The four girls I was with mean more to me then I can express in words. They are the ones some of my best memories are with; the ones I always laugh the most with; the ones that can dry up my tears; the ones I trust with my life. They are the ones that can understand me when I'm talking in ‘code'; the ones that keep me at their houses for a week when I can't deal with being home. The ones that I can be with everyday and never get annoyed with. The ones I want to party with, and the ones I want to grow old with. They are truly a special group of friends that I would do anything for.

"I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all."
- Rachel Ellis

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Where am I going?


When you were small your parents, teachers, siblings, friends, and relatives would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up and why? You would shout a doctor so I can heal people; firefighter so there are no more fires; super hero to stop the bad guys; princess so I can always wear fancy cloths; singer because I love to sing, magician because I can trick people, the list continues on. Then you got older and you thought about what you wanted to be and your ideas became more practical, the list now went more doctor to heal people, veterinarian to aid animals, NBA/NFL to be on TV., scientist to discover something original, lawyer I’m a good arguer, actress to become famous, artist to be creative all the time, and if you looked at mine princess still slipped its way in. When you ask people now the list is very specifics, sergeant specializing in neuroblastoma, lawyer in criminal justice, pidemiologist scientist, actress in film or on stage, FBI agent in PDR, Childs nutritionists; yes we still have reasons why we want to have these jobs, the thing that’s changed is we won’t pick the job unless is provides us with a descent sum of money. Then there are the people who knew what they were going to do their whole lives until now. I’m in that boat, I had everything planed then I took a moment to really look at what I planned. I realized it wasn’t right for me.
I had the idea I would major in natural health or physiology and metabolism and minor in fine arts. I wanted to become a nutritionist, after I got my degree I decided I would go to the more rural areas of the world and teach the people there how to get the adequate about of nutrition from the resources they have. It was a great idea, for someone else. I still want to minor in fine arts the only question is what to major in, what to be? After putting more thought then I should as a sophomore in high school I came to the conclusion, it doesn’t matter. I have time. We all have time. Right now is the time to make the stupid mistakes, and wild decisions. To stay up all night talking to friends, or drawing a picture, to go to the midnight premier of movies. Now is the time to go on road trips and get lost, to surprise your friends in the middle of the night, to take an art class even though you can’t draw a stick. Now is the time to date and fall in love over and over. To sleep in and stay out late, to do the things you never thought you would. Change and change again. Enjoy moments for what they are not what they could have been. Then when it is really the time to know what you want to be, who you want to be, you will know. So go crazy, do the unexpected, take the chances, live your life, because now is the time that you can.  Don’t worry about where you’re going, take time to think about where you are.

“Live life to the fullest and never ever look back, there is a reason for the future and a reason for the past. Love till it hurts and laugh till you cry and when your life flashes before you, make it worth while. Be happy for what you have done, and be happy for what you have over come, and most of all always be proud of what you have become.”
- Unknown

Friday, April 12, 2013

The Unexpected


Everyone has numerous events that change their life’s, there are small and large events, situation, or people that make the impacts on our lives. It could be as minute as the cashier letting that ten cents slide, to as great as someone saving your life. We all have events that make us who we are, the age we start noticing the events is diverse from person to person. The age we start making the impacts on people is up to us. The first big event that changed my life happened when I was just seven, in October of 2003. In San Diego October is the time of scary movies, disturbing monsters, trick or treating, and sometimes a week of evacuation for a fire. There have been a few devastating fires that have occurred in the last some years. The first was in 1988, it cleared 250,000 acres of land. The next was in 2000 and 234,669 acres where burned. The following was in 2003, 5,953 separate fires burned that year. 750,043 acres of land were blacked by the flames in 2003. The fires that year took the lives of 25 people, and left numerous injured.  The fires that year also took my home and everything I owned.
On October 26, 2003 I woke up to find it still pitch black, I was convinced it was still night, however my clock said otherwise. My mom sitting in the kitchen drinking her tea, and my brother’s logos and baseball cards were scattered across the floor, the normal morning routine.  Except my brothers weren't next to their toys playing rather there face where plaster against the glass doors in the living room, staring at the orangey, red strip outlining the mountain. My mother wasn’t reading her book rather she was just sitting and waiting, with a worried expression on her face. My mom gave me a hug and sent my brothers and i to get dress, grandmom was coming down. Which was also out of the ordinary with her living so far away. After getting dressed we joined my mom in the living room where she pointed at the growing red streak on the mountain. She explained to us that is was a large fire, even though it looked far away she told us once it reached the bottom of that mountain it would soar up our side or the mountain very rapidly. She proceeded to assure us that the stuff falling from the sky was also ash and not snow. After we asked our repetitive questions about the fire she told us my grandmom would take us to her house, and she would meet us there later on that night. My grandmom finally arrived and loaded my brothers and I in her car with a few things we decided where vital; my oldest brother who was 11 brought his teddy bear , my other brother who was 9 brought a game boy, and I brought my dolly. On the way to my granmom’s we listened to the news on the radio, it was all bad news never good, it said the fire had grown bigger; how it joined with other fires; how it jumped the freeway. My grandmom did a very good job at entertaining us. She had my cousins come over and feed us Mac and Cheese, she also allowed us to eat as much ice cream as we liked; she was trying to keep our minds off of what was happening. After what seemed like forever my mom came to get my brothers and I. When driving my mom told us how it didn't seem good when she left, she went to down to put the pool cover on and the flames had shot up like a wall in our back yard. I could see the fear in her face as she relived it over again. My mom also didn't have the heart to tell us she couldn't save our cat, Lucky; she told us he darted when she opened the front door; he was really locked in the garage. We drove to a hotel, it was across the street from my mom’s business and they allowed us to stay there for a week with no charge for the room or food. It’s nice to see people affection in a time of need. After a week of just waiting we finally where allowed to go see the damage done by the fire. The police and fireman told us to expect the worst. As a seven year old the worst was nothing to what I saw. Everything was black, dead, and gone. My family had lost our cloths, pictures, furniture, and our home. We lost almost everything, we still had each other.
When you don’t have anything you start to notice everything. Every hug, smile, laugh, and memory they all become so much more important. After everything, the stuff in that house was just belongings, items, and purchase.  I still had my family, which was all that really mattered.
Oh and the cat really was lucky, my brothers and I went to go see our play area and Lucky appeared in the bushed, dirty, thirsty, and exited to see us.

“ When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you. “

-Unknown